I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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