They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
