I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
honey bunches of taint.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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