If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
