When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
