So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
