Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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