gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
