Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
