i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
