She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
