Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize