so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
