Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
