His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
