He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
