I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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