I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
