Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
