Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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