The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love you. Go after that dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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