I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
