If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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