I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
