Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
