they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
