I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize