she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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