I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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