I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
