did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She announced her abortion via fbk
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
