he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
