At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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