man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mom said you looked used
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You pole danced in your parka.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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