If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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