he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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