please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
