sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just threw up on my dentist
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
