Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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