Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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