how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
