I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
