i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
