Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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