Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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