I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
