Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
