none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
