if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
