Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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