The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
