census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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