Christians are straight up FREAKS
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
