pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
