Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
