The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
