I can tuck mytits in my pants
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize