You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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