Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
