walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize