Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
