Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
