before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
