wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just threw up on my dentist
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
