What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
